Your Biggest Fear In Your Early 20s

We’ve been prepped for extraordinary lives.

Your commencement speaker told you anything was possible. So did your advisor, over coffee in your last few weeks of your undergraduate career. Great things are ahead, they said.

So after college, you move. You pick a new city. You settle into your first apartment. New place, new roommates. Find a new relationship. A new job. It sinks in: This is your life now. Your new, real life.

It’s supposed to be magical. It’s everything you’ve been working for. It falls short and just seems ordinary. Basic, even.

The years following college graduation are anticlimactic. We’ve put so much emphasis on the theoretical future, that we’re lost when it comes to the practical application. We’ve been training, like athletes looking ahead to the Olympics. We have our eyes on gold. A golden job opportunity, or finally being reunited with our significant other. As happens in the Olympics, not everyone wins gold.

We fear mediocrity.

Your life’s purpose up until this point has been preparatory. In middle school, you took accelerated math courses and sought the coveted spots in gifted and talented programs. You were pushed to read at a ninth grade level. The first two years of high school were about getting into the right AP courses and extracurriculars so that you’d be set for junior year, when you started looking for colleges. You applied, categorized, studied and vetted. You got in.

You went off to college. Four years preparing you for one of two things: graduate school, or real life. (Or both.)

College is over in a montage of tears, hugs and well wishes at graduation. You didn’t just spend 4 years preparing for your “real life.” You spent 22 years preparing. So it needs to culminate in something amazing. You’ve been given every opportunity, and now you’re going to put it to good use.

And that’s the problem with being given every opportunity. We are so fortunate to have gone to college, and thankful to our families, but there’s pressure that comes with being given the world. It’s a conditional gift. It’s waiting for you to do something with it.

And you’re scared you can’t. You’re scared you’ll fuck it up somehow. You’re scared that in your search for greatness, you’ll land at mediocre and settle.

These are the years when you question everything.

We start our first job, need more money, move to the next job. Do the entry-level thing. You love it. Or, no, that’s right, you actually wanted to kill yourself. Our mothers and fathers worked grueling office jobs so that we could pursue our dreams. Instead, we are beginning our pursuit of the same shitty office jobs and it feels wrong.

We start dating someone – or we graduate with our college or high school sweetheart by our side. Is this it? Now that we’re in real life mode, do we move in and get married?

We’re scared of calling it too soon. We’re scared to get comfortable in our relationship, because what if it’s not right? What if we’re just holding onto a relationship because it’s the only constant we have?

We can’t commit to a location. It may not be the right one for our career. Our soulmate may be waiting across the country and what if we pick the wrong place and never find the right person? We worry we’ll be stuck in our dead-end jobs 20 years from now. We are scared we’ll end up in a loveless marriage.

We’re scared our decisions will be set in stone.

They won’t. So right now, in the midst of all this confusion, you need to just make a decision. Stop complaining about your choices and start following through. Pick a city. Maybe the right guy isn’t waiting for you there, but the wrong guy is and maybe he’ll be more fun. If you’re trying to pick a job, stop griping and choose based on your instinct. If you don’t have the support of your parents or friends right away, trust that it will come. The worst that can happen is that your instincts fail you and you leave that job.

This uncertainty won’t last forever and your decisions are less permanent than you think they are. You aren’t a victim of your own choices unless you let yourself become one. Anything can change as long as you aren’t stagnant.

So look at your life in this moment and decide what you want to keep. Do you want to hold on to your relationship? Do you want to pursue the field you’re in? Purge your life of the things weighing you down. If you’re struggling with a choice, remember that you are only non-committal when you aren’t actually excited about what you’re committing to. Commitment is easier when you know it’s what you want.

As clichéd as it sounds, great things really are ahead. Maybe you’re going to accomplish all of your career goals, maybe you’ll realize you have none and will have to tear apart everything you’ve learned. Either way, there’s an amazing journey ahead.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog.

12 Texts Girls Send When They’re Trying To Friend Zone You

1. The “Have a good night!” text.

People read this as flirty and think it opens the door up to a “sweet dreams baby”-type response. No. Wrong. She doesn’t want to dream about you. She’s politely trying to end the conversation. “Have a good night” does not mean she is going to sleep thinking about you. It’s a world away from “Good night ;).”

2. The “Work is crazy right now talk to you later” text.

There’s no apology, nor is there any punctuation. That’s because it’s a text sent from one friend to another. This isn’t an invitation for you to say, “oh no, bad week? I can come over and make it better.” Really, it’s just a text she sends when she has better things to do than respond to you.

3. The less-than-5-word text.

This is a strategic way to avoid blatantly ending the conversation. She doesn’t want to be rude so this exit is disguised as a participatory response.

Example: A guy tells a joke and the girl responds, “oh lol!” She’s not necessarily discouraging you, but she didn’t leave anywhere for the conversation to go. She’s hoping you stop responding first so she doesn’t have to.

4. The “Can’t talk now, I’m having a girls night” text.

This is a real thing. Sometimes girls like to gather and decide that “no boys allowed” includes anyone on the receiving end of their texts. To be honest though, if a lady’s really into you she’ll find a way around that rule or she’ll definitively say that she intends to text you back later.

5. The after the fact response.

Sample conversation:

Potential suitor: Hey, are you free this Friday? Maybe we could have a drink.
Girl (on Sunday): Sorry, this week totally got away from me! Did you have a good weekend?

6. The response that pushes for a group hang out.

If this happens to you, accept it: She’s not interested in you sexually. She really just likes you as a friend. So she strategically only invites you to things she knows will become group events. This is the text that reads, “Hey, I can’t do drinks on Friday but (insert mutual friend here) is having a party Saturday. You should come!” If she wanted to sleep with you, she’d be trying to see you one-on-one.

7. The “Hey, how’s everything going?” text, in response to you starting a conversation.

It seems like she’s interested in you when she’s receptive to your text. In reality, it only proves that you don’t bore her as a person. If a girl is into you, she’ll make it known by asking what you’re up to this weekend, etc.

8. The half-response text.

In which she engages only on the part of your text that’s safe to respond to. Sample conversation:

Guy: Hey, how’s your week going? Do you maybe want to grab a drink with me on Friday?
Girl: Mine’s great so far, how’s yours?

9. The text that evades setting an exact date and time.

When you ask if she’d like to get drinks sometime, it’s easier for her to say yes to some vague plans in the distant future. The initiator (understandably) takes that as a “yes” and then tries to set a specific time at which point the girl mysteriously “loses her iPhone” for a week.

10. The text that grossly overuses exclamation points.

When she’s flirting with you, she’ll use exclamation points sparingly. When she feels guilty that she isn’t interested, she’ll over compensate with 3+ exclamation points. Sample response: I have no idea what my schedule is like this week, life is soOOOooOo crazy!!!!

11. The text that deliberately classifies you as, “friend,” “bud” or “pal”

If she were actually into you, she’d be way too embarrassed to use nicknames. But she isn’t, so she’s calling you “friend” because she wants to JUST BE FRIENDS.

12. Radio silence

(Read: Not interested. BYE.)

Originally posted on Thought Catalog.

25 Wake Up Calls That Remind You You’ve Entered Adult Life

Cue “What’s My Age Again?” Actually, cue any Blink-182 song and it will probably suffice. Here are 25 things that will inevitably make you ask, “Am I really old enough for this?”

1. The first time you have to book (and pay for) your ticket home for the holidays.
2. When your first friend gets married. Not when your older sibling gets married, or your sibling’s best friend, but when your first close friend ties the knot.
3. When you manage to regurgitate the information your dad told you about a 401(k) and pass it off like you know what you’re talking about.
4. Paying your own rent and utilities, when it comes out of your hard-earned money, not money someone put in your bank account.
5. When crying doesn’t get you out of a speeding ticket. It’s weird that we can’t use the “I just got my license” line because that hasn’t been true for 7+ years.
6. Getting your own health insurance. Look down at your insurance card. Does it have your family’s name on it, or your company’s? If it’s the latter, feel free to freak out.
7. When your metabolism starts to slow down and you realize you actually aren’t hungry all the time.
8. Booking your first vacation sans parents.
9. When you pass by your old high school and the freshman look like toddlers.
10. The first time you have to book your own dentist appointment.  BTW, your parents made you brush your teeth because cavities are obscenely expensive.
11. Buying bleach.
12. Actually being able to step in and buy your parents a cup of coffee, or lunch, and not just because it’s their birthday.
13. When someone over the age of 40 tries whatever appetizer you brought and says, “You must give me that recipe.” (The only time this has ever happened to me was with my spinach and artichoke dip at a holiday party. I was too embarrassed to tell the woman that reason it’s so good is because I use an unhealthy amount of cream cheese.)
14. Facing the realization that you will not end up with your high school sweetheart. Unless of course you’re married to your high school love, in which case, God bless.
15. Breaking down and buying your own gym membership, instead of just using your mom or dad’s because you look enough alike.
16. Deleting Snapchat because it’s a waste of time. Let’s be clear, you’re going to download it again in 3 weeks, but that’s okay.
17. Checking the weather before you leave the house and remembering to wear layers.
18. Reminding other people that it’s going to get cold so they should probably wear layers. This could also be a sign that you’re becoming a control freak, but I’m going to call it “adulthood” instead.
19. Getting your first paycheck with a comma in it.
20. Realizing that your first paycheck with a comma in it has to last you two weeks and pay your rent.
21. Taking out a loan to buy a car/television/XBOX.
22. Planning a bachelor or bachelorette party.
23. Signing up for a frequent flyer card, or having a frequent flyer number. (I really have no idea what the right terminology for this is because I haven’t quite checked this one off the list.)
24. Hosting Thanksgiving.
25. Getting a call, email or text from someone in college, because they think you might actually be able to give them advice. 

Originally published on Thought Catalog.

There is Only One Appropriate Reaction to Brittany Maynard’s Passing

When Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with brain cancer, she was told she could still have up to 10 years to live. Two months later, she learned her cancer was stage four, giving her 6 months to live. She moved her family from California to Oregon, one of the five states to allow people with a terminal illness to end their own lives. At the time of her diagnosis, the 29-year-old had just celebrated her first year of marriage and was looking to start a family.

Brittany Maynard ended her life, as planned, on November 1. There were whispers that she would extend the date, but she chose to pass 2 days after her husband’s birthday as she’d intended. Her story was publicized because she wanted to raise awareness and push political action in California and across the nation.

 Now it’s less than a week after her death and all people can talk about is how it played on social media. All reports can say is that Chris Christie opposes the right-to-die measure. (Really? Who’s finding that surprising?)

Yes, Brittany Maynard wanted to start a conversation, but could we all show a little respect first?

Suicide implies that you chose death when you could have chosen life. For Brittany, choosing life wasn’t an option. That option was taken off the table by stage four brain cancer. After moving to Oregon, she was given the prescription pills that would end her life and kept them in a safe place for when she needed them. It provided comfort to her.

And it doesn’t matter whether you or I think that’s a bad thing or not.

For the past 6 months as Brittany Maynard’s traveled with her loved ones and experienced life’s beauty before she couldn’t anymore, we’ve been screaming about politics. Catholic groups think that Brittany’s committed a mortal sin. Can you imagine being 29 and terrified at the fact that your best option is to take your own life? Then try adding the fact that half the country thinks you’re going to hell because of your decision. Whether or not you support the Death with Dignity Act, it’s important to remember how much courage this woman showed.

Then there’s the left, who are saying, look! See! We told you these laws were necessary. This is equally unhelpful. Now is not the time to cheerlead death.

The only appropriate reaction right now is respect. The only words that should be coming out of people’s mouths are some variation of, “I’m so sorry for Brittany’s struggles, and for her family’s loss.”

I get that this won’t happen. I’m just saying, wouldn’t it be nice if we all remembered for one moment that we don’t know what it’s like to be one of the countless people in this world suffering from a terminal illness?

I have an opinion on Brittany’s situation, but I don’t know if it’s the right opinion because I don’t know what it’s like to contract a terminal illness and be told I have 6 months to live. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you don’t either. So let’s all stop pretending that we know what’s best in this situation. We don’t.

 

Originally published on Thought Catalog.

7 Things to Know about the (Maybe Pregnant) Teenagers Who Became ISIS Poster Girls

We’re used to hearing ISIS in the same breath as “beheading” and “terrorism.” Now, ISIS is trending alongside words like “Facebook” and “teenager.” Their two poster girls are Samra Kesinovic, 17, and Sabina Semilovic, 15. In April, they left their homes in Vienna and made it to Syria, where they joined ISIS. They each wrote their parents a note saying they were prepared to die for Allah. Samra and Sabina are now “jihadi brides,” married to ISIS militants. Here are a few things you should know about the pair of ISIS teens:

1. They’re using social media to show how much they like their new lives.

They’ve posted pictures of themselves in the their new traditional dress. Just because you join ISIS doesn’t mean you stop taking selfies. In a few of the pictures they’re pointing upward, which is the equivalent of an ISIS gang sign.

2. They may not be controlling their own social channels.

It’s possible that to keep a facade, and dispel negative rumors, others have taken over the girls’ social media accounts. One theory is that the images posted may be images of other women. The burkas cover so much of their faces that it’s not exactly a stretch.

3. Sabina just did an interview with Paris Match

The magazine confirmed that her husband gave her permission to do the interview and that he was present while she texted her answers to the reporter. In the interview, Sabina said she’s enjoying her new life and feels free to practice her religion. She denied the rumor of her pregnancy and raved about still being able to eat nutella. Twist: authorities now think she was held at gun point and forced to do the interview.

4. One of them wants to come home. We’re not so sure about the other one.

Samra was able to contact friends or family in Vienna (supposedly) and said she wants to come home. Sabina wants to stay. Though, it’s possible she does want to come home and was forced to say otherwise in her interview.

5. Both are believe to be pregnant

Experts think the women being lured to ISIS aren’t there to fight. They’re there to marry and have children. ISIS is moving toward recruiting more women, in very 21st century ways.

6. If they return to Austria, they could face prison time.

Of course, the safety and well-being of these girls is the main concern. ISIS won’t want to let them go home. If the girls do escape and make it back to Austria, being part of a known terrorist organization won’t bode well for them. They could face 5 years in prison.

7. No one really knows what’s real or what’s fake.

Propaganda is the name of the game. The unfortunate fact is both girls could have already been killed, and we just think they’re alive because of an Instagram feed. Though, if it helps, a Paris Match reporter can find the 15-year-old, even when Interpol can’t.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog.